Life is so beautiful, life is so precious, and I’ve risen from this illness of Covid-19 with such new perception, appreciating life as I’ve never tasted it before! Every breath is a reminder of the gift of life, that I’m alive, and what it is to be fully alive. This new felt aliveness is with me in a continuous consort of a hymn, strumming sweet melodies that reverberates life force in my whole being. It is anchored deeply in an inner ocean of life-giving energy that is so abundantly and naturally here! Every moment, my whole being touches the fullness and riches of life, pulsating, it meets with me, here, right now right this second and all the seconds that follow! And I choose it deliberately, welcoming it gently, embracing it fully as I become more soaked in what is so available here in the fabric of life, as I drench myself in all its moments!
I remember years ago reading a piece on educational philosopher Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Anthroposophy and the Waldorf Education. It stated that if a child is allowed to have chicken pox, how after the ordeal of overcoming the disease, the new refreshed transformation only radiates life from the body’s natural immunity that gets the chance to fight, and finally overcome the disease. The child arises with this freshness, glowing skin with soft red cheeks, emanating life, strength, and beauty. What are we but creatures that strive to do better, to overcome our obstacles, to become more of all that we can be? We are driven with this hidden source to further accomplish, to master, to strive through difficulties as they become steppingstones to finding our greatest strength. We know that it is through challenges that we become aware of what we are made of, I’m not saying that is the only way, but what we become is a direct draw from our source within. Blessed are the awareness that do reach within first, and establish a relationship with the inner source, because that is all what we have.
So, I got covid, I know exactly the day and time that I got it, and where from. It wasn’t particularly a good day; I wasn’t in a good mood; I was frustrated from some people’s irresponsibility that continue to create emergencies for others. I was impacted, I allowed myself to be affected by what I didn’t like or approve in others. As my mind continued to find other reasons why to stay pissed and angry, finding more and more reason to stay upset as the day moved into the next. This mood followed me, or better yet I didn’t let go of its end tail. Where focus goes, attention follows, our attention is our life force. I remember how those three days I continued to cuss in my head so much, I knew with every undesired thought I’m deepening my despair, but I was being stubborn and wouldn’t let go of being pissed. How we get stuck in a story in our mind, and seek justification for our victimizations, draining our own life force of reservoir to lies we continue to believe and perpetuate, sound familiar? So, it is our predicament, isn’t it, there is no other way, the vibration you create will continue to emanate and becomes your reality, in this case I lowered my vibration to a lower denominator, my body got weak, my sense of wellbeing messed up, and my immunity went down the toilet, and then boom, by the third day I started to feel it first in my throat, and next day starting with a fever that did not leave me for 11 days straight.
The first week I still wasn’t sure if I had covid, so I had to give myself the chance to fight, even though there was so much more to this illness than any other I had experienced. I’m stubborn to my bone, I had to try and see if I could conquer, it’s just in my nature wanting to dig deep and see how far is far for me to find strength. And so, I continued staying home and stay present with my body’s pain and fever that spiked quite high at few junctions. I wanted to see what I could do for myself. It became so apparent that I’m setting myself to dig deeper. I had learned a trick from Waldorf school I had my son attend in his youth. Squeeze a lemon in room temperature bowl of water and use it as a compress on forehead and feet to reduce fever. I was able to reduce my 103 fevers at two nights down to 101.5, it felt good to be able to do this. All throughout I stayed so present with my sickness, I was fully available, aware, and in contact with fullness of my body’s sensations. I was meeting every moment of discomfort, pain and restlessness with openness and grace. I was watching myself; I was witnessing myself merging with this illness. My years of training and practice staying present in my body, using sensations of my breath to connect regardless of what is happening, while not trying to change a thing, sitting in deep observation and absorption of my experience, had prepared me for staying so awake, available, and present for my illness, and all the seconds that it was occupying my life.
Finally on day 9, I decided it’s time to seek help, I knew I needed it if I didn’t want to be victimized by not taking responsibility. With help of my naturopath and a friend, whom both pointed me to the same doctor, I was confirmed to visit a MD doctor that practices with wholistic, conventional and not so conventional out of the box and very direct approach in his treatments. This is my cup of tea. I cannot tell you how grateful I’ve been and am to have been able to be treated with natural remedies combined with some medical medicine that directly, and precisely aimed at getting me well from this disease. A dis-ease is absent of ease, and in that lack of ease there is suffering, coming back to ease is coming back to our innate natural flow that is connected in harmony with life giving essence of nature. That if we are trained, and aware, we occupy that space. But we evacuate it at times, just as how I did on that first three days, leaving my body, sacrificing my wellbeing to my mind’s attachment sticking to stories of nonsensical righteousness.
My first two nasal swab tests were negative, but it didn’t mean anything in a time where there are too many false negative or false positive nasal tests given. The doctor on the other hand knew first day I had covid. He also detected the beginning of pneumonia that had just started to form in my lungs. The next day my blood test confirmed a moderate-severe case of covid. I was relived of the news, sounds crazy but it brought me such level of peace to finally know that I had covid and surrender to it. I probably secretly wanted to get it, I knew I will not be getting vaccinated, and there was nothing special about me not to get it, so the next option was being ok getting it while trusting I will be fine. That I can be up for this challenge, that I can dig deep once more to see what I am made up of. I never bought into the massive fear being promoted. This is not to undermine physically challenged individuals who are more at risk of complications, nor the fact that more than most fully recover. I think we can all agree that there are lots of lies and truth that have been brushed under, covered over. Manipulations over greed, profit and controlling the mass is another subject, that is not where my message lies, so I leave this here.
My treatments were long in nature, 3 hours of IV that took 5-7 hours per day to be administered. I had to wait for the IVs to be changed in between. The nurses were busy attending many covid patients. In these long hours of receiving my IVs, watching while the droplets of medicine were dropping in my vein, one drop at a time, and the period waiting in between for the IVs to change, I surrendered even more into my body. My awareness was resting deeply on my own sense of self, fully present, absorbing all sensations that my body held, engaged with complete openness for what I was feeling, the discomfort, the fever, the waiting, and the healing. Not once I needed to change anything, I was fully surrendered to what is. There is such freedom in surrendering, we fear and resist surrendering because we think we will lose control, that control is always an illusory protection. What is resisted persists, a simple law of nature. I stayed present with each drop, staying present embracing every nuance of sensation. The whole experience was my medicine, and I knew all of it was blessed.
I only had 5 days of treatments at the doctor’s office, including daily blood test to monitor my condition and progress. I had other routines that I needed to follow at home that kept me fully engaged and yet more present with my body. The whole experience was like being in a deep trance-like meditative state. I stayed patient, solid and faced all the discomfort that this disease had along with all the treatments. Everything felt just as it should be as I stayed along with what is. I remember day 14, middle of my 3rd treatment when suddenly my fever of 11 days finally broke. All I could think of was biting into a hamburger, the urge was so much that I ended up with one healthy one in the evening, oh it tasted so good, I knew I’m heading towards full recovery. After this a new revelation started to happen! As my appetite opened, my taste buds flourished to this new height of sensitivity. I started craving greens after greens, my mouth drools thinking about eating greens, watermelons, coconut water, and more water. I couldn’t and still cannot get enough of these foods, every bite and drink now were and is so delicious, everything tasting so sweet, everything leaving my mouth with soft sweetness for hours on end. I’m still flabbergasted at this phenomenon, because it continues to be, I’m so grateful!
Day 26, I’m back to my morning walks, bike, and yoga again. My taste buds have continued to be on such high level of sweetness. It doesn’t matter even if I drink lemon water, coffee, or even the morning breath taste, my mouth has transformed into honey, everything tastes sweet and delicious. I lay awake late into early mornings now, marveling at this preciousness, I cannot get enough of, I’m in constant awe how this sweetness cascades up and down my interior felt feeling. Along all these riches, I’ve become super sensitive with my breath, oh how every breath feels so sweet, silky, velvety sensations of my breath have kept me in a state of constant bliss. I’m a bundle of inner and outer felt sweetness, how is this so possible and how some have lost their taste and smell faculties? To me this is part of the miracle of embodying my body, I’m in such deep gratitude, truly, every moment, for days now I’m so fully emerged with sweetness of my breath, its beauty, the pulsating life that sustains me, it is incredible, I’m not only feeling transformed, but I feel like metamorphosis. My whole body feels like metamorphosis, experiencing such sweetness of life! As if every bite of food is a love affair, every breath a lush union with the beloved. My body’s natural desires have been awoken to such nuances of sensitivity, I crave so many greens, I was and am wrapped in joy with every life-giving food I eat. A local deli’s split pea soup became my other constant craving, I just cannot get enough of it! Taste of food has taken on a whole new amazingness; how delicious healthy food is. I’ve found this new appreciation for food, nourishing food, I’m so grateful that I did not lose my sense of taste and smell, in fact it’s just the opposite. It’s blown my mind in such a delightful way. How blessed I feel to be alive and being awake in this aliveness, it feels as if I’m engaged and glued into an eternal passionate kiss of my form to formlessness! The State of Non-Dual Union, or Sat Chit Ananda, or simply said, pure love frequency. I’m vibrating with essence of love that I am, through this process of metamorphosis embodying my body in full union with presence. I’m merging with my multidimensional self, what a gift to receive. We are all here to embody our bodies, there is no way around it. It’s time to claim our multidimensional selves.
My story is not limited to just being grateful rising from a sickness. My story is the accumulation of all the moments in life I have not avoided nor pushed away. It’s a testament to the teachings of my beloved teachers, who not only taught me to stay present in full openness towards life, but the firm unwavering ground they held for me when I got wrapped up in my stories. Stories of my victimizations, need for justification, needs to prove my wounds, all the while playing small nor being able to take responsibility in my contribution of what I had created. My story is the overflow echoes of staying grounded, practicing being fully present and not avoiding pain. It is a prelude to disciplined awareness not to negate anything. It lies in the soft recent memories of all the mornings that I sit under the sun, allowing the rays of life-giving warmth, warm up my back and lungs back to health. It is in the one to two spoons of soup that my precious mother made, so I could take my medicine and supplements in all the days of fever. It’s in the accumulation of the moments that I lay on pebbles under this beautiful 500-year-old California Oak tree in my backyard, while I marvel the spaces in between every leaf and playfulness of the sun reflections dancing on my face. It is when I took my first walk after 19 days in a hot summer afternoon with the warm breeze caressing my skin, awakening all my pores in delight of receiving my breath, while my fingers ran through my hair allowing the touch of the elements to reverberate my whole body with life and gratitude. It is on my husband’s gaze looking at me with compassion. It is seating in wonder watching insects, birds, and animals play. And when my gaze rested on my beautiful son’s face when he came for a visit.
A few years ago, I finally gave birth to a lifelong dream of mine, a meditation center called Bindupoint. It was open for a year and half. Just when it was starting to become known and succeed, I had to shut it down due to covid. The pandemic started with great loss for many, mine was my center. This loss is a fraction to what is at play and at large globally. Today, I know it is not so much about having a center so I can be of service to my fellow humans. It is the vibrational frequency of my state of beingness that can emanate signals, triggering others to activate their own higher vibrational frequency. We are more connected through a web of creation than it can be imagined. Today, I’ve done my greatest work presenting to you of all the rippled effects of my experiences that has peaked through my covid illness. In this way everything is a gift, everything is an opportunity, everything is always full of potential, we are gifts to one another, no matter from what point you look at it there is always grace in what is. It is the habituated mind that continues to project failure of imagination. We need to come to terms that we have thoughts and thoughts don’t have us. We have voluntarily placed a leash on our necks and given it to a frivolous, fragmented, unresolved energy of the mind that hops everywhere and into oblivion, in the need to believe it is superior.
Learn to find refuge in simplicity of your simplest experience, starting with following sensations of your breath in the present moment on daily basis. Your mind didn’t learn to create havoc overnight, it’s more of habitually giving up sensation of being present, either to something unresolved in the past or the projections of it into the future. Take direct actions to integrate your fragmentation. Find your breath, merge with presence, and keep practicing, deliberately. I believe humanity is purging millennia of mind control, it will get messier before it settles into brilliance that already is. We are the shift, we are what we have been waiting for, it’s time to wake up and own and radiate your true vibration, which is pure love, and keep waking up in your body!
A Personal Note
Here, it is very important for me to speak to you of Jacqueline Hobbs, https://www.oraclegirl.org/
I’ve been following her work for almost a year now. Her work is for these times. I cannot tell you the shifts and changes I’ve been witnessing around me, along with the dissolution of old habituated and addictive thoughts and behaviors by just signing up into her reboot groups. Her work is a full translation, and map of high frequency vibrational reality. You get revealed and activated to and from your own source connection, and your own self-healing abilities. Watch Your mind if your resistance is activated at first reading about her and her directness. But if you check you will see what is arising has an old reference point of a limited belief that truly has no substance. As she says, “Your frequency is as highest as your greatest addiction”. Her work is freely given and offered entirely by donation. You can give as you wish for all her events and in the Reboot group, there is an mp3 too for you to take your purification deeper. Or you can just use her materials, which involves a minimum donation. Check out the incredible changes that she is making and providing. Her support saving earth and people that are contributing real positive change, and so much more. One of her offerings is called “Immediate Assistance”. On day 4-5 and 6 of my covid illness, I had this most intense pain in my upper back, shoulders that cascaded down my entire back to my calves. I remembered her immediate assistance offering and signed up. Within twenty minutes, I could feel this soft water like wave energy, washing down pain off my back. Within an hour, my pain dropped from level 10 to 1, and it completely dissolved into the next day, before I even started my treatments. Her work is so much deeper than this profound physical work that she provided for me, just explore and marvel at the changes. As Jaqueline says, “There is always love”.